Are we done yet?

Hypothetically, if a girl texts me and asks "Are we still seeing each other?"

The answer is "No, not really. We never really were, though... Do you want to come over later?"

However, if she's kind of a loose cannon, does that mean she wants my nuts or is she considering stabbing me in the parking lot?

Hypothetically, if you are suppose to go out with a chick on a Thursday, then you call her on that Thursday, but she does not return the call (and subsequently you do not go out), then you call on the immediate Sunday after, and she picks up and the first thing out of her mouth is "where did you go Thursday?"  Does she want your balls?

But she was sober!

Hypothetically, if you go up to arguably the prettiest girl in the bar and bet that you can throw a tennis ball across the parking lot and hit the 7 in the 7-Eleven sign... and she offers her number as the prize if you succeed... You miss but she gives it to you anyway... She wants your junk.

But, further hypothetically, if she was the Designated Driver and fully sober... and you know the number was accurate... and you leave her a voicemail but she doesn't respond... She still wants your junk, but she probably lost her cell phone. Or something.

Sleep tight

Hypothetically, if I woke up in the middle of a spectacularly graphic and realistic sex dream about a former supervisor from college... should I post it publicly on her Facebook wall?

Break Ups

Hypothetically, if a girl says "It's not you, it's me" to Alpha Male, it really IS her.

Headlights

Hypothetically, if you left your car's lights on and a girl texts you to give you a heads-up (and you nailed her a few months ago)...

She actually wants you to come over and check her headlights.

F, you happy now?

Hypothetically, if you give yourself the blogger name of beta or omega male in response to alpha male naming himself "alpha male," how bad do you want alpha male's balls?

What's your name? Really?

Hypothetically, if you ask a girl for her name and she says, “Yoomi Lei,” is she giving me a hint that she wants my unit?

Hired Guns

Hypothetically - if a waitress or bartender calls me by a pet name like Sweetie, Sugar or Handsome...

She wants me to leave an extra large tip.

And a gratuity.

mmm...Honey

Hypothetically, if I put honey in my oatmeal and my co-worker walking by says, “Your honey must be really sticky,” does she want to swallow my honey?

juicy tomatoes

hypothetically, the guys stocking produce at my local market (sprouts of Irvine) often smile at me and say hi to me as I shop, does he want my hairy heavy aging vagina extra cheez for their zucchini dreams?

Hypothetically, if i'm checking the engine oil on my Asian Import Car and a trucker comes by and whistles at me, does he wants to "port and polish" my Asian Pistons?

Hypothetically, if your boyfriend plays with hello kitty after a nice romantic dinner....does that mean he wants your pu**y? (Meow)

San Francisco

Hypothetically, if a man 30 years older than you wants to take you and your best friend to San Francisco and pay for it does that mean he wants both of your cooters?

Grateful Dead

Hypothetically, if a dude is impressed with your choice of a favorite Grateful Dead song, does that mean he wants your cooter?

Being followed home

Hypothetically, if you are jogging, and a dude 10 years older pulls up in his Mercedes, starts following you down the street, and asks you to get in his car, does that mean he wants your cooter? [No, probably just means you're next on his serial killer list].

I have a long... what?

Hypothetically, if you are jogging [again] and a guy driving by rolls down his window to tell you you have a really long torso, does that mean he wants your cooter? [Hmmm...]

Sore loser

Hypothetically, when a guy writes you a 10-page letter calling you a back-stabbing bitch/slut because you slept with his cooler friend, does that mean he wants your cooter? [Most definitely yes. And so upset that it ain't gonna happen].

Levitation Ale

Hypothetically, when some jock looking meathead learns you are drinking Stone Levitation Ale, and says he would like to levitate you in his lap, does that mean he wants your cooter? [No, probably just that he's an asshole].